Confession

Two weeks ago, I visited my brother in Tuscaloosa and went with him to his church there, RiverWood Presbyterian.  This "Confession of Sin" was printed in the bulletin, and it has piercing truth that really hits home if you're anything like me...

My Father, hear my confession of sinful desires: I desire more money without demands on my wealth; I want to be influential without assuming more burdens; I want to be powerful without accountability; I want all people to like me.  I want more recognition; I want to be thought of as smart; I want to be thought of as kind; I want to be thought of as witty.  I want my kids to not embarrass me; I want my kids to do well so that I will look good.  I want my spouse to serve me and see things my way.  I want to be selfish while appearing sacrificial.  I want to be superior to people while appearing humble.  I want people to want to be around me.  I want people to think that I am a hard worker.  I want professional admiration.  I want to appear carefree, while anxiously maneuvering and scheming.  I want to be considered as unique, without being strange.  I want control.  I want to matter.  I want to be loved without being loving.  I want to be associated with successful people.  I want comfort.  I want stability.  I want predictability without the boredom of routine.  I want nicer clothes.  I want to be relevant.  I want to have a speciality.  I want to win while seeming to be a team-player.  I want ease without seeming lazy.  I want to give advice while appearing to be a good listener.  I want affluence without seeming elitist.  I want to associate with poverty and pain without inconvenience and trouble.  I want holiness without having to give up my impulses.  I want to seem passionate while simultaneously self-possesed.  I will accept being a fraud as long as I am undiscovered.  I feel I can manage my own sin so that it will not become destructive or out of control.  I want intimacy without vulnerability.  I want to be productive without becoming obsessive in focus. I want to be a leader without assuming the responsibilities of being one.  I don't want wisdom as much as wanting to be thought of as wise.  I want my anger to be seen as righteous.  I want my impatience to be seen us urgency.  I want others to change while not demanding the same stringency upon myself.

My Father, what I desire is You, but I have not known it.  I have pursued inferior longings. Forgive my heart for inappropriate loves, desires, and idols.  Change my heart, and may you work in me to pursue You alone.  Through the work of Christ and the Spirit within me, Amen.